sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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