What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
