oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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