My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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