Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
