Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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