Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
