If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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