sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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