i don't plan on having that self control this summer
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize