Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
