wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
