After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
