but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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