If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
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Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
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BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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