I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
