I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
