If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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