We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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