Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize