Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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