we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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