it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize