he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
