I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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