I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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