I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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