i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
