so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
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Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
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we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
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