i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
