I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
