now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
