apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
