Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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