i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
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I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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