Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
