Moan for me like Helen Keller
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
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I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
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i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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