I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
