I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
