This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
