Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
