Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
