I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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