Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
