i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
