Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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