Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
