Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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