watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
