I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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