my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
