so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
