thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How does one acquire holy water?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
