I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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