I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
