Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
