I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
