Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize