I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
