we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize