I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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