K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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