we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
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I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
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He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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