Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
