If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
