my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
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