how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
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Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
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They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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