Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
