dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
