yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
