You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
