it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
