Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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