did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
