I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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