i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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