he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
