what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
