hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
