opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
