Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
