Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
